Posted on October 26, 2026
The Usual Way of Looking at Health Habit Change
When I think about why I want healthy habits, I go right away to how I’d like to feel and what I would like to do. I want to feel energetic and be free of aches and pains. I want to avoid injury and illness. I want to maintain a positive outlook. I want the strength and stamina to do daily chores, to travel, and to engage in favorite activities like hiking. I want to be the best health coach I can be, which involves, as I was taught, being a “humble role model.” And at the top of my list: keeping up with my active grandchildren. In these ways, good health is a gift I can give myself.
Until recently I hadn’t thought much about how my health affects others. I didn’t presume to think my family and friends thought about my health beyond being glad I was doing well (and wishing I weren’t so picky about food). About a month ago, that changed.
A New Perspective
Quite unexpectedly, one of our sons said to my husband and me, “I want to be like you guys.” He, who turned forty this year, explained that he wants to be physically active, to eat wisely and otherwise be in good health for the sake of his two-year-old daughter, whom he adores. His proclamation was somewhat out of character (he loves to tease us), but I could tell he meant it. I realized for the first time that we had unintentionally given him a gift.
As I thought about it, I too had been given an intergenerational gift. My mother, having grown up in midwestern farm country, was highly skeptical of certain food products that had begun to appear on grocery store shelves when I was a child. I remember her reading the label on a soup can and giving it a scornful look. When my father had high blood pressure, she eliminated salt from our family diet. She always bought fresh bread at the bakery and took all kinds of cooking classes (I could have done without the tuna fish omelet, thank you). My mother’s approach to food was a gift to me.
It occurred to me that our health habits can influence people beyond our families as well. We are much better with our friends and colleagues when we’re feeling good. Being at our best gives us the resources we need to be good companions and listeners. Self-care is not selfish, not just about us. It helps us give others the gift of our best selves.
A Ripple Effect
Looking into this subject further, I was surprised to learn that this gift-giving extends beyond our inner circle of family members and close contacts. Nicholas Christakis is a Yale sociologist and physician who has deeply researched the formation of social networks and how they influence all kinds of behaviors. Connected, a 2009 book he co-authored with James H. Fowler, PhD, explains what the authors called the Three Degrees of Influence Rule involving social networks made up of friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends. To varying degrees, they found, people within these networks come to share ideas and all kinds of behaviors: “We are affected not only by the health and behavior of our partners and friends but also by the health and behavior of hundreds or thousands of people in our extended social network.”
The rapid rise of social media since this book was written adds complexity and urgency to the subject. Further research continues, but the underlying principle – “social contagion” – remains intact.
Is It Safe?
Does this mean we should shun certain friends out of fear of being infected by their bad habits? When we are beginning to create a new habit, we’re still vulnerable to relapse, so it may be more helpful to avoid friends who practice the behavior we want to change as well as environments where that behavior is practiced. As we try to quit smoking, we’ll help ourselves by avoiding smokers and places where people smoke. If we’re trying to form new, healthier eating habits, it would be helpful to avoid the people and places that fed, so to speak, our unhealthy habits.
Once our new behavior becomes an established habit, we will become less vulnerable. At that point, we can decide with whom and where we will spend our time based on a variety of factors. Should we choose to continue spending time with less healthy friends, we can do so knowing we will be a good influence on them and others.
A New Motivation
Whenever we embark on creating a new health habit, we need to think carefully about why it is important to us. Change involves pros and cons and hard work. Without a strong sense of importance, we may lack the necessary motivation to succeed. Along with the usual things that come to mind when we consider the importance of change – how we want to feel and what we want to do – we can add how our new habit will benefit someone else. Even as we give ourselves a gift, we can take satisfaction in knowing we’ll be giving a gift to others as well.